Restless

I am restless. It's that time again when I start to wonder what I can change. Usually it starts with minor, seemingly insignificant things (this time it's stopping biting my nails) and it slowly escalates, until I work out what it is that's eating away at me.

But I know what's wrong really. It's my job. It's always my job. I'm lucky in some ways: I'm respected, liked and do a good job but, equally, I don't love it. I don't even like it. But this is what I do and I have accepted that I'm An Accountant.

But it means that the restlessness will always kick in - it's just a waiting game. It hasn't been long this time - 18 months. But now 'The Feeling' has come, I know that I need to find a new job. One where I can start learning again, one where I hope the boredom won't set in too soon, and one where there'll be so many more reasons that it will be preferable to the place I am now.

So the search has begun - I've updated the CV, I've reactivated the Monster status to 'Actively Searching' and I've applied for a bunch of jobs that I know I can do. I'll now have to talk to a stream mind-numbingly stupid Recruitment Monkeys who don't know less about accountancy than my cat and attempt to stay motivated where I am.

Because here's where the danger is: I've already left my current job. Physically, I'll head there every morning, put in the hours and smile the smile. But mentally I've already gone. My brain is occupied with what to take on holiday and whether I can lose 2 stone in 3 months (experience tells me I can't). Even my debt repayment plan makes an appearance now and again. Anything to while away the time whilst I sit at my desk wishing the time away and wishing another life. And this is the Danger Zone, when mistakes happen, balls get dropped and my ever shortening temper finally breaks.

Please don't let it break.